She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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