That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
