one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
