imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
