Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
