oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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