handjob tips. give me some.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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