it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
