I'm eating all of the evidence.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
