Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
