I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
