I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
