I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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