Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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