my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
