your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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