ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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