bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
