I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
