just come out here and I will go home with you...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
