shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
