Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
