I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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