Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
