How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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