There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
