there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
