my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
