the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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