im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
