Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
