Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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