Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
