Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
