STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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