How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
