here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
