Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
two words: eviction party
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
