Umm I'm too high to move.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
