I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
4 words: hood of his car
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
