Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
