His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i want to swaddle you in tequila
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
