Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
