Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
