I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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