btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
