He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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