There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
