she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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