Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
