Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
