i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I need moral support for this bender
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
