I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
