and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
